@KentWGraham: I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would’ve been longer but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.
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@0point5twins: Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.
@RdrJay47: [Calls number written on my windshield with lipstick] Hi, you left your number on my car. Who's going to clean this?
@SnizzleFrizzle: Dude on tv just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavor." He was talking about food, but I took it as a compliment.