@missmayn: I find it in poor taste that the 1am drive-thru attendant asks "How are you?" Not good, Maria. Clearly.
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@FishySnowborder: Went out drinking at the bar last night. Took a cab home. Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?
@RedBeard3000: Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking
@TheIronSherk: Learned today that it's about 12 min after realizing there's no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are
@AnOrangeSNES: Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY "No thanks, I'll eat something else."