@JizzIam: I find the best way to deal with death is not to be the person who is dead.
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@huntigula: [interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard
@jergarl: 1980: busy signal (I'm busy af) 1990: call waiting (hold on I'm busy af) 2017: voicemail (I declined your call to watch cat videos)
@U_Want_Shum_M8: *sees a hot christian girl* Me: I am christian now,where do i get one of those plus signs? Friend: That's a cross. Me: across from where?