@NutellaV: I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
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@RoosterMustache: HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!
@Humor_Fetish: Friend: "Did you bring condoms?" Me: "No need. If I'm drunk enough to talk to a girl, I'm way too drunk to get it up."
@Cryptoterra: learn just enough tap dancing just to tap dance out of the room when you win an argument