@LurkAtHomeMom: I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: he's cute, how old is he? Guy: 25 months Me: first kid? Guy: yeah, how'd you know? Me: because you didn't say "he's 2"
@Black__Elvis: I was in an Arby's bathroom taking a leak and the urinal cake fell to the floor but it was there for less than 5 seconds so I still ate it.
@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.