@stoneman67: I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, "your baby jumped out!" before she gave me the finger.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [on date] *okay don't let her know you're a T-Rex* Her: Can you pass the salt please? Me: Crap...
@TurnpikeTony: I really don't get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she's at least 18.
@Ideal_Victoria: Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one” And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”