@lynnbixenspan: I forget, are you supposed to be happy when you see their exes are ugly, or worried that you might be ugly too?
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@Carbosly: It's a plant shaped like an egg. EGGPLANT! It's a place where we make fire. FIREPLACE! Diving in the sky. SKYDIVING! Humans are creative.
@KeetPotato: me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] "gnocc gnocc-" waiter: "who's there? haha" me: "this isn't a joke son"
@KenJennings: WAYS TO KILL 2 BIRDS W/ 1 STONE 1 Ricochet 2 Retrieve, rethrow 3 Line up birds precisely 4 Huge boulder 5 Use lovebirds, 2nd dies of grief
@BasicLyes: Remote start, keyless entry, feature allows me the privilege of losing my keys- while I'm driving.