@lynnbixenspan: I forget, are you supposed to be happy when you see their exes are ugly, or worried that you might be ugly too?
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@jonnysun: *at the movie theater* umm ok the hackers also said theyd do a terror unless u giv me unlimited free popcorn and uh.. also that guys popcorn
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: I may send u to jail. But if u act less condescending, I'll let u go free ME [waving goodbye to my family] u mean condescendingLY
@Try2StopME: My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because my tires look like donuts? Cop: Get out