@goodhairperson: I forgot the word "torch" earlier today so I googled "fire on a stick." I have two degrees in English.
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@simoncholland: The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year.
@julietactually: Saw this lady taking pics of stuff and I was like your camera is facing the wrong way, psycho
@sarcasticmommy4: I saw a lady jogging in the rain & I was like, "how sad, she doesn't know she could be sleeping in her bed right now."