@zachreinert03: I forgot to wear my glasses when I drove today. I didn't even notice I wasn't wearing them until the kid on my windshield said something
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@AndyAsAdjective: *snaps rechargeable battery into bottom of cordless drill like cocking ammo into the butt of a gun* ME: let's hang some floral art décor!
@DanielRCarrillo: If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.
@TheBoydP: [Jeopardy] Disease for $500 Alex "Dysentery, Typhoid, Bubonic Plague, Dengue Fever" What's better than catching a man cold? "Correct!"