@notseriouslyamy: I found $100 in my pocket this morning and almost quit my job
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@AndrewChamings: (god creating crows) black. blacker! little beady eyes. deathly squawk angel: what if there’s a bunch of them god: MURDER angel: you ok pal?
@Sarcasticsapien: Social media is basically like being in a bad relationship, you love it so much but deep down you know you’d be way better off without it.
@murfect: *gets hit by car* Friend: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY? Me: I need.. My phone.. Please.. *opens Twitter* Me:YALL WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED