@Dutch_50: I found a bat in my basement & my first reaction was to run to the door so the light could get in, because I saw it done in a vampire movie.
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@Reverend_Scott: Trainer: what are your goals? Me: to pet all the dogs Trainer: no, fitness goals Me: to be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs
@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart.
@Reverend_Scott: NEIGHBOR: dude, that's the scariest costume I've ever seen. I love Halloween. ME: [wiping blood off my chainsaw onto my apron] costume?
@lazerdoov: My girlfriend told me she's "spotting" and I'm like yeah right for who? You can't even bench 50 Lbs lol