@krisv_723: I found a Squirtle in my pants & I'm not even playing Pokémon Go!
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@Jake_Vig: INTERVIEWER: According to your resume, you like to "move it move it." ME: That's correct. I: It goes on like for... 30 pages. M: And?
@HeavyRaines17: Worst thing about smoking marijuana nightly is the strong desire to also smoke it morningly, lunchly, afternoonly and allthetimely.
@Kyle_Lippert: [Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..