@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.
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@MarcusTheToken: Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away.
@bencoffeehall: I have learned to accept that my parents are "Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses.
@markydoodoo: I bet my doctor wasn't expecting to say "Sir, that is not a toy" so many times today.
@BlindChow: GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWS™: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf