@fusedude: I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver.
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@thetits: [Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*
@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.