@iMikosnyc: I found your suicide note and corrected some grammatical errors. You're good to go.
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@hipchkk: The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.
@ScottLinnen: WHAT are birds so happy about at 7am? What? Oh, right. Pooping while airborne. Good one.
@FatherWithTwins: My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I'm wondering if I should have married her instead.