@sameralkhoury: I freak out when i don't see the L and R marks on headphones. There's no way I'm taking that risk.
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@ThaJawn: Coworker *parks Prius Coworker 2 *locks bike up Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!
@FatherWithTwins: *overheard from the other room 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you finish your dinner? 8yo: No Grandma: Just one then
@DamonHunzeker: The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you.
@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”