@Girl_Censored: I fully support any type of marriage that doesn't involve me.
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@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@KenJennings: "This tweet isn't funny yet. Welp, better remove all the commas and capital letters! Ah, PERFECTION!" --me
@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"