@RadOrDie: I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.
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@kashmir_lover1: According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking According to my bartender, I look great Moral of the story: I'm drunk
@Mr_Kapowski: [calls wife from store] "Are you in more of a frolicking or jumping in the air mood? There's so many tampon choices"
@KissabiX: [at a farm] Dairy cow: Oooh that tickles Sheep: Look I got a new "hairdo" Chicken: Cool I didn't want to know any of my children anyway
@DaddyJew: 7: I failed my test Me: you tried your best 7: I got distracted by a dog outside and rushed everything Me: happens to the best of us