@TheTweetOfGod: I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.
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@batkaren: "Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me." (*folds a fitted sheet*) "TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"
@thejessbess: I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but... No more. Still mad atchu, meteor.
@ShortWhiteNUgly: I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music.
@CastAwayKristen: "Nine Foods You Should Never Eat Again" Also known as the contents of my refrigerator.