@TheTweetOfGod: I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DiamondLou69: Saw a sign that read "Free Coupons". What I want to know is what kind of terrorist would hold coupons captive in the first place?
@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
@SodomyClown: Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters.