@TwistedEmbrace: I get 9" in bed every night. That's how much mattress is left for me once the dogs get comfortable.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not.
@HrBry: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate
@jdbalani: Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
@velvettusk: "Eat your dinner so that lamb didn't die for nothing" - will ensure you get your daughter's helping, too.