Funny Tweeter

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@envydatropic: I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number

Avoidance is expensive

I get a new phone every year just so my friends don’t think I’m lying when I tell them I’ve lost their number Avoidance is expensive
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@birbigs: Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?

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@davidbfunny: Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David

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