I get a new phone every year just so my friends don’t think I’m lying when I tell them I’ve lost their number Avoidance is expensive

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@envydatropic: I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number

Avoidance is expensive

103 comments

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@ElgatoEsmio: Saying you wanted to know where I came from is no excuse for banging my mom.

@wsforbes: I miss you... then I eat something and it goes away...

@JenniferJokes: Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you're

950

@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.

@i_noted: How do u make a Pirate angry? Take the P out of him.

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