@dreamthievin: ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.

@jonnysun: spider-man, spidre-man,. does watever a spider can: has two legs., he can talk. wat kind of spider bit this guy

@thrillhicks: If we’re out of croutons, I’ll just turn the toaster upside down and shake it over my salad.

@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.

@BriarSly: "Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that's right...send.