@Leemanish: I get home late, dead tired, & see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - & I'm like, nope, I will deal w/ THIS in the morning
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iwearaonesie: friend: What’s one thing marriage has taught you? me: If you walk into the house eating a candy bar you better have one for her too
@OtherDanOBrien: [police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass.