@Leemanish: I get home late, dead tired, & see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - & I'm like, nope, I will deal w/ THIS in the morning
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EndhooS: [1st day seal clubbing] Me: OMG this is awful Guy: [choking back tears] I know right? Me: [feeding MDMA to a seal pup] There isn't even a DJ
@jensrmk: People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
@Reverend_Scott: Elephant 911: What's ur em- Elephant: MOUSE Elephant 911: WHERE Elephant: FLOOR Elephant 911: JUMP ON THE TABLE [table breaking noises]
@Underchilde: I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don’t need that kind of incentive to visit again.