@Leemanish: I get home late, dead tired, & see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - & I'm like, nope, I will deal w/ THIS in the morning
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot
@daemonic3: Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: (Me giving a Rorschach test) What do you see? Patient: A house and Me: Wrong it's Batman. Ok this one? Patient: I se Me: Nope. Batman again.
@professorxavi: *Cute girls approaches* "You keep glancing over here, so I thought I'd come make the first move" *Panics* *Starts making car alarm sounds*