@PaperWash: I get it grandma. I'm not sure what to do on Facebook either.
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@iGreenMonk: I can always tell when someone is lying by tying them down and strapping them to a lie detector.
@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
@wickedsuga: I need your parent's phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer. Cause if I'm gonna crush on you, I'm doing it old school.
@DanMentos: One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I've said since then has been sarcastic