@RidiculousSheri: I get it, you have a philosophy degree, but I just want you to make my latte, not wax poetic about life, okay Baristotle? Extra foam please.
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@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
@DRUNKHULK: THEY SAY CHRIS BROWN GOT WORST TATTOO EVER! NO AGREE! DRUNK HULK THINK TATTOO GOT WORST PERSON EVER!
@thatcarlygirl: Hey, cooking directions on the sides of packages: Nobody knows the wattage of their microwave.
@CommonSavant: I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers.