@TheBoydP: "I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down"
@JermHimselfish: I've never been put in the "friend" zone, but I have been put in the "please don't tell my friend's" zone.
@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes]
Her: I want you. Take off your shoes.
*kicks flip-flop through her TV*
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you.
Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole*
"we're out of cereal."
@LongLiveJesse: I want a sex change.
From "none" to "some".
@cervixsmash: Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son?
Son: I smoked weed, dad
Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot