@DamienFahey: I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
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@PaperWash: Mother's Day is just an another made up holiday so the government can sell you more mothers
@daemonic3: [helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? "One tenth?" Good, now what does 10% mean? "Battery low, plug in your phone?" Perfect
@stuckinaportal: god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi