@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.
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@UGotMeRight: You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge.
@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@5hael: Do you think it's weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?