@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.
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@ems: I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them.
@bobvulfov: ME: why is my son failing TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he'll be intelligent ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy