@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dinnersruined: I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over
@confusedlush: People who try to prepare for the end of the world are obviously misunderstanding the core concept.
@sad_tree: *hit man puts on silencer* *shoots gun* Gun: YOUR HAIR SMELLS NICE LIKE MY MOMS Wth? *looks at case* Oh I brought the awkward silencer
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.