@NaaN_Conformist: I go through the 7 stages of grief just to get to work everyday.
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@LostInMyWorld97: Dog tried taking me for a run. I wasn't having it. I made her drag me the whole time.
@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
@ambamthankyamam: Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.