@Milariou: I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
@ericsshadow: [at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? "Dude that was in 1991."
@steveolivas: I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.
@KKenuz: my beloved wife was on the second earth as it detached from our earth and drifted forever #FirstWorldProblems