@hipstermermaid: I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.
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@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door] The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@catlikethiefx0: The 1st rule of Female Fight Club is: You didn't hear this from me! Seriously do NOT tell anyone I told you, I promised I wouldn't tell.
@DeathStarPR: Stormtroopers never miss. They're just trained to fire a 21 shot salute to celebrate the commencement of every firefight.