@ajax06: I got a 100 dollar giftcard to Kmart and now I can't decide which Kmart I want to buy.
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@BrickCh4News: "A black man follows me when it's sunny outside. When it's cloudy, he goes home." "Brick, that's your shadow."
@Fart_Bringer: "U put on suntan lotion?" "No" "Youll get sunburned!" *sun descends, his voice echoes loudly* "NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?"
@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
@Reverend_Scott: *calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly.