@FattMernandez: I got a bracelet that posts where I ran, and how far to facebook, and I put it on a deer. So it just looks like I'm lost in the woods.
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@weinerdog4life: If you see a cat with a dart in it, that's my cat and I need him back, we aren't done yet.
@nbadag: [restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM
@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."