@DevilryFun: I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ibid78: My desires are unconfessional. No wait. Unconditional? Pumpkin sensual? I just had it. Undone sectionals? Unmoustachable? Stunned pistachio?
@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.
@DiamondLou69: "I'm definitely gonna hit that later tonight!" - Me pointing out the light pole in the parking lot of the bar.