@dumbbeezie: I got a final Jeopardy question right and now my pinky won’t stay down when I take a drink
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@duumb: Me: Dammit I'm not gonna let you die on my watch Her: *chokes* It's too late Me: *leans in close* Get off my watch. It's a Rolex.
@LostFelicia: I cleaned out all my closets and now it looks like a flea market threw up in my dining room.
@_senote_: Friend: What's your favourite season? Me: Of which show? Friend: 😐 Me: 😶 Friend: 😕 Me: 😐 Me: 👀💭 Me: Oh you meant like.. the weather.