@dumbbeezie: I got a final Jeopardy question right and now my pinky won’t stay down when I take a drink
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@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle. McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...
@therealeatwood: ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That’s not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww