@anbrll00: I got a Ouija board tattooed on my back to trick ghosts into giving me massages.
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@Dutch_50: I know it's illegal to launder money, so I've decided to stop doing laundry entirely. Just to be on the safe side.
@Fickle_Filly: It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
@Book_Krazy: [1st date] Him: We share perfect chemistry! Me: *but all I hear is the word "share" as I create a fortress around my nachos with my hands*