@anbrll00: I got a Ouija board tattooed on my back to trick ghosts into giving me massages.
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@kelter1: Pharrell Williams put out a fire on Kim Kardashian's dress this week. Dude is really taking that Smokey the Bear hat of his to heart.
@NicestHippo: [girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]
@nerdreign: Body language can be so subtle that only an intuitive person can read your mood. Body slams, I have found, are far more direct.