@anbrll00: I got a Ouija board tattooed on my back to trick ghosts into giving me massages.
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@mewchainz: My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, "werewolf."
@BoucheDag2k: Guy getting on elevator in my office building.." Going Down?" Me: "No, but I've got time for a hug"
@SatansTongue: *wife opens present* "You got me the action figure you wanted?" Ugh if you don't appreciate it then give me it *takes gift and runs to room*