@Terdoh: I got a puppy for my ex. Fair trade.
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@StellaGMaddox: Nothing makes me second-guess my language like a little voice chirping, "Mommy, I found your freaking measuring spoons."
@whatmaddness: Me, in my *best* Sean Connery voice: Would you like that shaken or stirred? My friend, horrified: Maddie, please just give me my baby back.
@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"