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@pinningnut: I got a secret!
I got a secret!
Whiskey: Not anymore.
@bmarked21: If stealing office supplies were an Olympic sport, they'd test me for steroids.
"Where you see yourself in 5 years?"
Doing your job.
Jobless and upset about the divorce
"OMG" *runs out crying*
@SatansTongue: *Ohio State coach*
Boys, I know how we're gonna beat the Oregon Ducks
With our secret weapon
*pulls out a loaf of bread*
@Xoolun: A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
@WheelTod: I cheated on my drug test, with a younger, more attractive drug test.