@VodkaThursday: I got an email from Olga. She thinks I'm sweet & "longs for finding a special person for serious relations". So there's always that.
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@AverageCorners: My garden shed door keeps opening and closing. Is it the wind? Yes. Am I going to tell my kids it's haunted so they stay out? Also yes.
@WisdomGifs: You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons. How ionic.
@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
@outsmartedmommy: What's for dinner? -A question asked by children who have no intention of eating the answer.