@partlyfunny: I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized.
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@jackmackenroth: If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once.
@mommajessiec: 10yo: (screaming) MOM, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!! Me: Okay, Okay! *steps on lego* *stubs toe on fallen over chair* *falls over laundry basket* *slip-and-slides across spilt water* *arrives at 10yo* 10yo: Never mind. I figured it out.
@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]