@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.
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@SuperJuanderer: [cats on a date in a fancy restaurant] Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon. Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table
@Mikecanrant: 1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all