@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.
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@kwirkyKerri: The spider I let live in my kitchen is letting the bugs run amok. No free rides! Your days are numbered missy.
@notbedelia: If you play Titanic backwards it's about a guy who rises from the sea, bangs a ginger and tries to throw her over the railing of a boat.
@TheHyyyype: [when i was a kid] DAD: remember, if a girl is mean to you, that means she likes you [today] MY BOSS: you screwed everything up this week you idiot ME: sorry, i'm not really looking for a relationship right now