@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.
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@TheAlexNevil: My German girlfriend said she wants me to eat her Kürbiskuchen. I was aroused. I found out it means pumpkin pie. Now I'm more aroused.
@thesulk: Pizza Hut ad: "Do you want the same old same old, or do you want the original?" Think about these words.
@DiabeetusNurse: This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.