@gurl_sour: I got fired from my office job for misunderstanding the meaning of 3 hole punch.
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@TheMichaelRock: 8yo: can you tell me a story? Me: sure. Your mom and I get ice cream after you go to bed every night. 8yo: WHAT?! Me: goodnight, buddy.
@AndyAsAdjective: [kidnapped & trapped in trunk] *hot wires rear blinker lights to communicate with other cars via Morse code* "I…am…a…vegan"
@NickBossRoss: You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
@Cheeseboy22: I hope at the end of the movie, Batman and Superman have to sit down and write a list of all the things they appreciate about each other.