@gurl_sour: I got fired from my office job for misunderstanding the meaning of 3 hole punch.
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@Mr_Kapowski: If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber
@Michael_Erhart: [First date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Date: "I'm a librarian." Me: "Oh, my bad." *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*
@Lanecat2: You shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since you walked there.