@TySmithdrums: I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thepunningman: Me: It stands for Greatest Of All Time Jeweller: I just don't think your wife will want "THE GOAT IS MINE" inscribed on her wedding ring
@LifeStricken: How do I explain to this 5yo why it is of paramount importance to use the word kitty instead of pussy in his Mother's day card?
@click4amanda: Why do they write PIZZA all over the box???? what else could possibly be in there???
@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.