@TySmithdrums: I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere.
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@paul_lander: Who says Republicans aren't into recycling? Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.
@benicus_rex: The barber asked me "do u have any kids" & I said "I do not, no" and he got very quiet, realize now he probs thought I said "I do not know"
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*
@DBMaxP: According to the group of firemen in our floor's breakroom... my microwave popcorn is burnt