@Izianikapani: I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.
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@KateWhineHall: How come I have to do all this work and you do nothing all day? - my 8yo while doing one chore
@LuckoftheDraw86: *writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able.
@OtherDanOBrien: *I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm
@EvilHarpy: Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*