@j0eg0d: I got in touch with my inner child and the little shit hung up on me.
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Can I buy you a drink?" Her: "I have a boyfriend." Me to barman: "A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."
@Overdue_Bills: "Dude, this is so awesome, I can use my $300 smart phone as a flashlight". - Why we'll be speaking Chinese in 50 years.
@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby