@JulianLeeComedy: I got kicked out of Monochromes Anonymous for using colourful language.
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@iwearaonesie: *wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!
@jwoodham: FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body.
@Tmoney68: If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.