@Voiceofgarth: I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.
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@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@Dirty_Naomi: I've decided to retire on Monday & live off my savings. Don't know what I will do on Tuesday though?
@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."