@HeyZeus666: I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.
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@TheAlexNevil: *horror movie "The calls are coming from inside the house!" "Can you find out from where? I want some chips but I'm too lazy to get up."
@Mindless4Miles: Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it's best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord.
@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.