@theshantilly: I got myself into this mess, and I can get myself further into this mess.
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@EviGarth: 'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'.
@B0niferd: My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you're good.
@RockKraller: I swear...I think restaurants with drive thru's identify the dumbest employee and say "here, you get to wear the headset"