@TEXASVETERAN: I got out of bed this morning and decided it was time to turn it around. So, I did a 180 and went back to bed.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!
@lilgapeach30: Ate reduced fat cheese on low calorie bread and my taste buds had me indicted for hate crimes.
@thistletat13: There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.
@sixfootcandy: Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?